As I always say, this blog is more for me than for the world around me. It’s a record of only my triumphs and understandings. But at times, it should also be about lessons that are hard learned, even at a young age. One of those things is learning to be comfortable, no matter where you are.
I see four different phenotypes of men in my life.
IIIIII has potential, perhaps you could help him, no strings attached until he gets himself together. Be patient. Wait. Bid your time. Be the hunter. Be the prey. Do everything. Mold him into what you want and then watch him disengage from your control. OOOO is a good guy, but he may not be a good guy for you. Is he even attracted to you? How could he be when you’re not your best physically? Shy away, try, but not as hard. It would hurt if he steps off the pedestal you made for him. EEEEEE is a douche and you know it. You knew it when he walked in. You know it daily by how he treats you and yet you stay because it’s easier than being alone with yourself. UUUUU is a good man and fits you so well. In a different time and a different place, it would have worked. But it didn’t. He’s not any less of a person; you are from the hopes and dreams you were too scared to realize.
There’s supposed to be one or two of these ones:
AAAA cares about me, as imperfect as I am, as imperfect as he is. He loves me and I know he’s a good man and potentially a good husband, a good father and a good life partner.
I wonder if that’s fantasy at times. I wonder if it’s more than I could hope for.